I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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