Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
