Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
