i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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