She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
