You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
