Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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