So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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