My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
