How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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