I don't usually arrange sex via text message
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
3 2 1 whiskey
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
