Sponge bath it is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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