I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
