I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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