I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
either way he was missing a nipple.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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