Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
