someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
