It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
