should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
