No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
