A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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