If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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