I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
