booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
