it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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