Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
