I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
