K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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