Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
