he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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