The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
