You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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