I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
