I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
