4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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