so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
