I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
