"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
