i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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