holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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