I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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