how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Panties = found
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
