Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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