i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
