ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
