If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
