just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
