i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
