Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
