You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
