haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
