And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
