Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
