He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
